Page 22C

You step into the tavern and observe the most motley crew of vagabonds you have ever seen in your entire life. Shoving past two orcs, you approach the barkeeper and ask if you can ask him a few questions.

“Only one each,” the barkeeper wheezes. “Any more, I’ll charge you for stealing my time and have you arrested and thrown beneath the mysterious figure’s lair.”

You laugh at the barkeeper’s joke, and the party decides what three questions you should ask.

A. Who is the mysterious figure?

B. What is the Ark of MacGuffin?

C. Are there any hidden passageways in the castle of Flooph?

D. Finish asking questions.

Page 22B

You ask the nearest shopkeep.

 You saunter up to the nearest shopkeep and ask him for a minute of his time.

“That’ll be five rupees,” he says, gesturing vaguely to his collection of clocks.

“No,” you say.”I just want to ask you a few questions.”

“Where’re my five rupees?” the shopkeep demands, rising onto his considerable girth and thrusting out a ham-sized fist. You assure him you have no money, and try to take your leave.

Before you know it, you are arrested for stealing the shopkeep’s time and chained in a dungeon beneath the mysterious figure’s lair. You try several times to escape, but all attempts are in vain, and you and your companions perish within the week. So close, yet so far, buddy.

Never mind, let’s not do that.

Page 22A

You ask the nearby gypsy.

Your party traipses into the mystic gypsy’s lair. Sitting across from her crystal ball, you ask her to tell you everything about the mysterious figure and the Ark of MacGuffin.

The gypsy tells you everything you need to know, including what the dejected salesperson meant when he said ‘place it simultaneously at the highest peak and the lowest valley of the world.’ Overjoyed over how easy your quest will now be, you start to take your leave.

“Not so fast,” the mystic gypsy croaks. “Where’s my money?”

Sheepishly, you tell her you have none.

The mystic gypsy immediately transforms the three of you into farm animals, sells you separately at below market price, and makes a mean profit. You are later turned into bacon and eaten by a fat farmer.

Never mind, let's not do that.

Page 21

Gathering together on the side of the street, you and your party discuss various plans of action to determine where you can find the mysterious figure, who holds the Ark of MacGuffin in the castle of Flooph.

“Nice plot recap,” the shotgun wizard says. You thank him for his comment.

The jetpack dragon suggests you ask the nearby mystic gypsy. The shotgun wizard suggests you ask the nearest shopkeep. You wonder if it wouldn’t be wiser for you to simply enter a tavern.

A.      Ask the nearby gypsy

B.      Ask the nearest shopkeep

C.      Enter a tavern

Page 20

After a harrowing journey you’d rather not remember or relive, you finally arrive at the kingdom next door. The city’s streets are littered with people, all calling and clamoring for your attention and money. No one in your party has money, and you can’t pay attention without it, so you respectfully make your way through.

Onward!

Page 19C

The jetpack dragon looks around with confusion, asking how he can breathe fire when he’s only a darling little kitten.

You and the shotgun wizard exchange glances.

Together, the two of you wind up and punch the dragon right in the gut. He gasps with surprise, exhaling a massive fireball. The fireball easily melts through the chains and continues far into the earth.

You are free!

The fireball catches the surroundings on fire, and, as the slavers call out in a panic, you and your comrades slip through the mayhem and head toward the kingdom next door.

Onward!

Page 19B

Together, the three of you begin to sing your favorite song. And then you sing it again. And again. And again.

Fed up with the racket, the slavers proceed to beat you to death. When they drag your battered bodies into town, they find a happy medium, who, on the slavers’ request, brings the three of you back to life.

Then, they beat you to death again.

Never mind, let’s not do that.

Page 19A



You strangle the guards.

To your great surprise, you actually succeed at strangling the slavers. Not only are you able to strangle the slavers near you, the other slavers foolishly wander right into your grasp. Once all the slavers are dead, the three of you celebrate. Who says a plan of action has to be hard?

Then you realize: you are still locked to the cart. No amount of pushing or pulling can move it, and when you search the slavers for keys, nothing turns up.

The three of you thirst to death in a matter of days.

Never mind, let’s not do that.

Page 18

As suddenly as it began, the demons disappear, and time speeds back to its normal pace. You gasp with the memory of the pain as your friends look at you quizzically. You tell them, despite your reservations, it’s time to figure out a way to retrieve the Ark of Macguffin.

The jetpack dragon suggests he and the shotgun wizard break your hands off so you can easily slide your arms out of the shackles. You say no, that would kill you. The shotgun wizard wonders why, because, since you’re a stick figure and all, it should be easy to reattach your hands to your arms.

You tiredly explain to your companions that you are not really a stick figure. “The stick figure you ‘see,’ ” you explain, “Is merely a crude representation of whoever happens to be reading the comic at the moment. Therefore, if you were to break my hands off, the reader’s hands would also break off, and then they would bleed all over their keyboards and be unable to continue onward.”

The shotgun wizard and jetpack dragon apologize for their idiocy.

After much deliberation, the three of you settle upon three courses of action.

A.      Strangle the slavers with their own chains.

B.      Annoy the slavers so much they let you go.

C.      Have the jetpack dragon breathe a fire so hot that it melts the chains.