Page 17

Time stands still. The shotgun wizard, the jetpack dragon, and all the slavers are completely silent and motionless. The entire scene looks as though it is merely a picture.

Millions of demons suddenly burst out of thin air, laughing raucously as they take your poor, defenseless body and massacre you again and again and again. You scream out in agony, but the demons do not relent.

Onward!

Page 16B

You don’t accept the quest.

“Very well,” the dejected salesperson wheezes. “Please, accept this token of my appreciation for listening to me!” He extends his hand forward. Being the gracious person that you are, you accept his hand.

“Ha hahahaha!” the dejected salesperson wheezes. “You are a fool! Now that you have accepted my hand, you will be cursed to wander the earth forever until you complete my quest! If you ever deviate from the path, you will be massacred by the spirits of my ancestors, only to be brought back to life, and massacred again!”

Then, the dejected salesperson dies.

You start to wonder how truthful this dejected salesperson really was. So, mustering all the effort you have, you think really hard about not doing the quest.

Onward!

Page 16A

You accept the quest.

“Ha hahahaha!” the dejected salesperson wheezes. “You are a fool! Now that you have accepted my quest, you will be cursed to wander the earth forever until you complete it! If you ever deviate from the path, you will be massacred by the spirits of my ancestors, only to be brought back to life, and massacred again!”

The dejected salesperson dies.

You start to wonder how truthful this salesperson really was. So, mustering all the effort you have, you think really hard about not doing the quest.

Onward!

Page 15

“Long ago, I promised my father that I would obtain the Ark of MacGuffin and place it simultaneously at the highest peak and the lowest valley of the world. This has been a promise passed down from generation to generation, and now I am the last salesperson alive, but I fear I shall die soon.”

You wonder why none of the salesmen ever succeeded if the promise was passed down from generation to generation, but the dejected salesperson interrupts your reverie.

“The Ark of MacGuffin is currently in the care of a mysterious figure who resides in the castle of Flooph within the kingdom of … of… I can’t remember the name, but it’s next door. I have tried many times to retrieve the ark, but I have been foiled every time by his numerous traps, puzzles, and minions. Please, please fulfill this quest for me. If you don’t, my family will never ascend out of purgatory into heaven! Please! You must promise me! Please!”

A.      You accept the quest.

B.      You deny the quest.

Page 14

The shotgun wizard and the jetpack dragon loudly complain about their rights and poor treatment as the slavers drag you toward their destination. Ignoring your companions, you listen to the slavers and realize they are actually quite nice guys. One has three little girls. Another plays shuffleboard on the weekends. A third always makes sure to put the toilet seat down. Despite their niceties, you fail to forget they’re planning on selling you to a life of slavery, and so you begin to hatch a plan of escape.

Looking around you, you realize there is another prisoner inside the carriage. He pokes his head out and feebly gasps, “You! Listen to my pleas!”

You decide to humor him. It’s not like you can do anything else anyway.

Onward!

Page 13

You wake up and discover you are surrounded by a band of slavers. They quickly chain all three of you to their carriage and drag you behind them. You are very put out.

Onward!

Page 12D

You forget them and go to sleep.

The three of you lay down and close your eyes. The firelight flickers, and, like all things, dies.

Onward!

Page 12C

You ask yourself your story.

You know who you are, I hope.

Back to the campfire!

Page 12B

You ask the shotgun wizard his story.

The shotgun wizard explains how he was an apprentice at a shotgun shop, working under his Master, who was the sole surviving member of the Order of the shotgun wizards. While they worked in the shop, a seven-fingered horse suddenly came and killed the Master. With his last dying breath, the Master gave the shotgun wizard the responsibility to be the bearer of the Order’s mantle. Swearing revenge, the shotgun wizard retrieved the instructions for THE ULTIMATE SPELL and finally killed the seven-fingered horse. Task accomplished, he was thrown into jail on nine counts of revenge.

“What’s the ultimate spell?” You ask without thinking.

“None of your diapers, jerkwad!” The shotgun wizard snaps.

You consider this for a moment, recalling page 2A and wondering if THE ULTIMATE SPELL is really as secret at the shotgun wizard makes it.

Back to the campfire!

Page 12A

You ask the jetpack dragon his story

The jetpack dragon explains how he was found and raised by a band of adorable kittens. Unfortunately, the Kitten Kingdom was taken over by a band of seemingly evil penguins, and so the jetpack dragon invented his propulsion machine, which finally helped his name make sense for the first time in his life. Using his propulsion machine, the jetpack dragon killed a great many penguins by using his head. Unfortunately, what the jetpack dragon didn’t realize was that the penguins treated the kittens like unto gods because they were so fluffy and wuffy and cute. The kittens banished the jetpack dragon from their kingdom forever, and so he tried his hand at performing in the circus. During one of his acts, his propulsion machine caught the main tent on fire, and he was thrown into jail.

“But,” the jetpack dragon says, “None of that matters, because I bumped my head and forgot everything.”

You briefly wonder just how much the jetpack dragon knows about anything.

Back to the fire!

Page 11

After you run like the dickens, you eventually stop and rest for the night. The party creates a bonfire, and you all stare into the flickering flames as though the very weight of the world rests upon each of your shoulders.

Glancing at your companions, you wonder, who exactly are they? All you really know is based on the few interactions you’ve had with them, but you don’t really know much beyond that. You decide to ask them each their back stories so you can understand them better.

A.      Ask the jetpack dragon his story.

B.      Ask the shotgun wizard his story.

C.      Ask yourself your story.

D.      Forget them! Just go to sleep.